Sober Faith

I haven’t written in a loooong time. The honest answer is because i really didn’t think I’d make it this far. But, here I am, completely sober, I’ve had some doubts and serious internal conflicts, but each time I think about what could be – early morning self-loathing, anxiety, guilt. Or, clarity, joy, confidence, strength. I feel closer to God today, I feel cleaner, wiser. Why would I ever go back???

I still can’t say that I am done with alcohol forever- I hope I am. I CAN say that this life is better, fuller, beautiful! God’s word is clear- obedience leads to deep relationship. Thank you Father, Amen.

Thursday. For the past few years I’ve happily said, “Thursday is the new Friday”. Translated to- I’m going to start my weekend drinking tonight. So, this morning I feel the nudge, the whisper- “it’s the weekend, you’ve worked hard, time to unwind”. Lies! Reality is that if I stay the course I will continue to sleep well, feel great, have energy and have a firm grip on anxiety and stress. If I cave- shame, guilt, anxiety, illness, etc. Yes, the evil one does come only to kill, steal and destroy. Jesus you are light and life. Come Holy Spirit, strengthen me. Amen.

Tuesdays are easy. I’m busy at work, busy after work and I’m usually looking forward to getting to bed early. This morning I am grateful for this decision but, yes, it is easy today. I hope, I pray, that my determination continues this weekend. I know that the doubts will start to creep in- “Just have a couple”; “you don’t really have a problem, just control yourself”; “what kind of life is life without alcohol”. All lies. John 10:10- “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come so that you may have life, life to the full.” Full life- life of gratitude, life of clear thinking, life of being guilt free. Amen, I choose life!

For everything in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of the God lives forever. 1 John 2:16-17. It’s a choice- follow my urges and perceived desires or follow my Father and what is the real truth. The first gives me small moments of joy followed by guilt, shame, anxiety, sickness which eventually lead to an early, miserable grave. The second, the way of Jesus ALWAYs brings love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. Pretty easy choice. Yes, my first sober weekend in a loooooong time! Amen and Amen.

Whew! Made it through a Friday. I had some thoughts….. “I’ll never enjoy myself again”; “my friends won’t want to be around me- I’ll be boring!”; guess what? I made it, had an enjoyable evening, went to bed and this morning I feel great! No hangover, no remorse, no picking up the pieces. Father, you have lead me to this and yesterday it was your strength that kept me going. I know I am just starting and the challenges will be immense, but I know that I can do all things through you Jesus, in your strength not mine. Amen, Amen.

TGIF! One week ago that term meant something completely different than it does today. Friday was a time to let loose, I’ve earned it right? But somewhere along the line Fridays blended in with Thursdays, maybe even Wednesdays. Today I read Matthew 10:40- “Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me.” I can be Jesus to others but , I cant be Jesus when I’m drunk -that’s the bottom line. Father, you got this, not me. I wont drink today, I already know that. You’ve strengthened me and convicted me. Tomorrow? I’m getting on my knees now- help!

The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galations 5:22 Just 3 days, I’ve done this many times before but Wednesdays are sure different than Fridays. Today I can feel that fruit, I am confident and strong- but tomorrow? This weekend? One thing I know; the Spiritual fruit is infinitely better than shame, anxiety, sickness, and embarrassment. Thank you Father for today and I do pray for strength, faith, love and self-control tomorrow. Amen.

I quit drinking today. Yes, I can use all of the familiar lines: I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, one day at a time, etc. Bottom line, I want to be the man that God wants me to be. Getting drunk every weekend (and more) sure isn’t that man. It’s scary, it’s daunting and it’s exhilarating! Today I am confident, check back this weekend. But, the journey begins- stay tuned!